To see everyone for whom they are
To understand
No matter how strange
That some women’s lives
Are like this

To know that
Men have feelings, too
They are not
From Mars

To understand
No matter what anyone expects
That sometimes
Things simply are
Right or wrong

To go your way
Walk your truth
Swim up or down the stream
Dance your own dance
Sing your own song

This way you will connect
With yourself
And others
Beyond rules

Translating Reality

You live in a hostile world
There are monsters everywhere

Trust no one!

Your peaceful you seeks solace
Even in company

Your angry you
A tornado of defense and attack

In the aftermath
You don’t remember

Blurred lines
Blurred pictures
No emotions

He said, she said
‘Actually that’s not what happened.’

I translate
The skewed reality
Into something less hostile
I put bridles on the monsters

Then one day
Your peaceful you
Your angry you
They shook hands

Now the monsters are gone

So it took me a year and a half to find the right name for this blog. I have experimented with a couple of more or less cheesy versions. Only now I realised that all I needed was a prayer. The name ‘With Heart, Mind, and Soul’ stems from the beginning of a prayer, I use when asking for guidance:

So I stand before thee with pure heart, pure mind, and pure soul.

This is my starting point for everything. I ask myself, for any action taken: what is my intent?

Of course I trip up, more often than I want to. But my way of finding back, of standing tall, my source of strength, is purity in intent. We all can only act based on our knowledge of a situation at a certain point in time, so there is always more that we don’t know than we do know—particularly when we are working with people. Can I really know my neighbour? But what we can always know, is our intent behind our action. And if this intent comes from a place of love we can heal, and help healing. So this is what I try with various degrees of success.

Therefore, the point to go back to; the unflinching core of being is: I shall stand before thee, with pure heart, mind, and soul.


Not good enough

It is not good enough
To talk behind a back
As a mechanism to prop someone else up
And maybe hide that you don’t actually know
What the back was about

It is not good enough
To smile to a face
But then turn around and with a grotesque visage
Spew words of meanness
Never actually having seen the face

It is not good enough
Not to look
Not to listen

It is not good enough
To live in ignorance
To bask in the glow of gossip

It is not good enough
To be lesser
Than you could be

You know better.
Do better.


A vile game to play
In a bid for power
Not as fun as ‘Simon says’

The rules:
Distortion, drama
Effervescing egos
Grief, gloom, grovelling, grudges
Hurt feelings, or hate
Ulcerous unpleasantness
An over-zealous game to play

A drama-llama show
With fallout
The llamas don’t know

I read an article today with the title Meanness is Contagious. The title is slightly misleading, the research has actually identified that emotions are contagious–any emotions. Some years back, when I left a contract job and went to the big office to say my good byes, one of the colleagues (with whom I never exchanged more than greetings) was visibly sad, and said that every day when I came in I would bring the sun. I remember being a bit gobsmacked, that I actually had an effect. Today reading this article made me wonder: Are we even more obliged to watch, which emotions we share, if we carry ugliness forward and through the day, or if we choose the sun?

Yes, everyone needs a rant, and be able to talk about things that went wrong, or others’ wrong-doing (perceived or real). This is important for mental health, for solving problems, for finding strategies against bullies. The question is then, how do we avoid that the people we spoke to, do not carry on these emotions, but enable them (as they enabled us) to carry forward positive emotions?

Furthermore, what about the people we speak about? Do we pass on these emotions to others, and will others carry these emotions forward to the people we spoke about? How can we protect ourselves from carrying forward the negativity? My former partner was very vindictive and mean, the horrible things he would say about others (including his own family)—at the time I believed these to be true—turned out to backfire. When I changed into the same workplace, and begun to meet these people, I had to make amends for having carried the ugliness on his behalf. It backfired as it exposed him to me.

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