Santa and the Troll

I am stomping through snow
Shouting ‘Ho Ho Ho Ho’
While in my thick mittens
I hold two fluff kittens

Where they came from? Don’t know!
Appeared like will-o’-the-wisps in the snow.
I think they are fae cat or wild cat or something entirely else,
But they are cuddly fluff kittens and my heart simply melts.
And they look at me eyes big, mischievous and scared;
So I am taking them home crackling fire in hearth.
Then I warm up some milk and dip in some bread;
And after, I tug them all cosy in bed.

Before the sun-up I hear a loud crack,
And some rumble, and tumble and maybe a smack.
And I jump out of bed worried sick for the kittens.
They were so small they fit both in my mittens.
Suddenly, though I hear a loud roar,
And a smash and a bang and a rattling door.

I rush out to see what is happening now.
Two humongous fluff kittens make an intruder cow.
My nerves are not sure what is taking more toll,
The humongous fluff kittens or the intruder troll!
Oh my jolly good golly what am I to do?
I don’t have a phone to call and ask you.

So, I do what I do when I am well scared.
I shout out loud to make sure I am heard.

“Ho Ho Ho Ho who was a bad troll
And broke my door making this huge hole?”
The kittens where hissing and fitting with wrath,
Almost as if I would have them take a big bath.

The troll was embarrassed and sillily coy.
He said he didn’t mean to destroy;
Just knock at the door and politely ask
For some hot water for his thermos flask.

But the kittens where hissing and growing in scale.
They did not believe the clumsy troll tale.
I am still scared of the troll and their size is appealing;
Even, if by now, they’re about to hit my ceiling.
‘Thou shall not lie!’ one of the kittens scorned.
‘I have seen you approach being fully armed.’

‘Ach this club’, the troll says his helmet askew.
‘It’s just my work tool, it’s what trolls do.
I live down the road under the bridge,
And if someone wants to cross I jump out of the ditch,
And holler: who goes and thou shall not cross
Or in the icy cold water I’ll toss!’

‘So you live off, of scaring poor folk on the bridge?’
‘But come to our home for water? That’s rich!’
The other fluff kitten was not well impressed,
Still suspecting the troll had planned a mean theft.

‘What am I to do?’ the troll pleads his woes.
‘This is really just how the troll story goes.
And the ditch is ice cold; the water freezing indeed.
I had hoped a nice tea would provide me some heat.’

‘Ho Ho Ho Ho’ I interrupt still very scared.
But also heating water on the warm cosy hearth.
‘Let’s all take a breath or two or three
And have a talk and some nice hot chamomile tea.’

My fluff cuddly kittens are not yet consoled,
But they shrink a bit down; their sizes controlled.
The troll takes off helmet and leaves club at the wall,
And sits at the table all grubby and tall.

The fluff cuddly kittens are eying him up:
‘You really ought to change how you do earn your grub.’
They chide him again and just for good measure.
Trying to ramp up what is called the peer pressure.

The troll hangs his head salty tears begin rolling.
‘What am I to do? All I know is do trolling!’

‘Hm.’ Kitten one says drumming her nails.
‘Uh hum.’ Kitten two says twitching his tails.

Yes he has two tails I had failed to notice.
Yesterday night I had other things for focus.
‘So what are you good with?’ I try to ask kindly.

‘Shouting, and clubbing.’ The troll says resignedly.
And with a big sigh more tears begin rolling.
‘I am so so so tiredly tired of trolling.’

‘Shouting could be a good thing.’ one kitten ventures
‘The king always needs heralds for his adventures!’
Kitten two interjects full of excitement
‘You could walk ahead shouting: hear hear the king and his compagnment!’

‘I love the sound of adventure!’ the troll sounds optimistic.
‘But you need to learn not to be meanly simplistic.’
‘I am no simpleton.’ the troll says upset.
‘It’s just, you know, the only story I have in my head!’

‘So we will help you to learn many more tales;
Of happiness, luck, sadness and fails.’
I interject quickly and fairly loud
the kitten induced troll chewing out.

Fluff cuddly kitten one hisses proudly,
And fluff cuddly kitten two joins her loudly.
Then they look at each other very deep in the eye,
And turn to the troll nodding saying: ‘All right.’
‘We are cathsidh the fae kitten kind
And stories are plenty on our mind!
We will teach you kindness and pride;
Even how to be kind to your own grubby grub hide.’

Then they turn to me looking somewhat abash.
‘We are sorry Santa, we should have asked.’
‘May we stay with you in your warm cosy abode?
And help you teach this silly dear oaf?’
‘Ho Ho Ho Ho’ I laugh in my beard
‘That’s a fun story, going to be heard.’

Picture Book Version Below

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